


Ravens on the Fox Court

by minaasshido



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish is a Good Boyfriend, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dream Fuckery, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gratuitous use of italics, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, NOAH GETS REMEMBERED, Not Canon Compliant - Call Down the Hawk, Post-The King's Men, Pre-Call Down the Hawk, Ronan Lynch & Blue Sargent Friendship, Ronan Lynch Being an Asshole, Ronan Lynch Has Feelings, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Ronan Lynch is Trying His Best, Ronan Lynch-centric, TOO MANY COMMAS, The Gangsey Plays Exy, but also Riko is still alive, gonna be honest most of the focus is on the gangsey, it'll make sense I promise, it's for the plot, it's what he deserves, just go with it, sorry it's just how i write, sorry to ronan, sorry to the foxes but it's ronan's pov so they aren't there much, that boy has been through ENOUGH, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24361030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minaasshido/pseuds/minaasshido
Summary: "I have a condition," he said finally, making Wymack look at him. "Two, actually.""Name them.""One, I get my own room. You don't get to ask why but you will respect it." Ronan wouldn't subject any of his teammates to a dream gone wrong should it occur. Blue seemed to understand his train of thought because her eyes widened, like maybe she'd forgotten about that part of Ronan and how it would affect his decision. "And two, I want you to recruit Adam Parrish and Richard Gansey."ORThe Gangsey gets recruited by The Foxes.
Relationships: Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Eventual Henry Cheng/Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 21
Kudos: 186





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So!!! A couple things before we get started: I'm pretending that the Nightwash isn't a thing in this bc it's just more convenient for the story. Also, I know this chapter is pretty short but it's just the intro, I promise the other ones will be longer!

There was barely a minute left in the game, and the teams were tied. 

Ronan eyed Blue carefully, noting her position next to him. "You aren't getting the ball anytime soon, Sargent, so don't kid yourself and think that you'll score."

Blue gave him a flat look, but he could see the spark of amusement in her eyes. "I love it when you talk dirty to me." Ronan snorted and hit his stick against Blue's. The ball was on the other side of the court, close to Blue's teams goal. Adam had the ball in his net, and both of them watched distantly as he ducked around a backliner in his dash for the goal. 

The clock hit ten seconds.

"He's not gonna make it," Blue said, and Ronan felt a slight surge of annoyance at her doubt. 

"Just watch," he grunted.

They watched. 

A massive figure stepped up, blocking Adam's path. Adam dug in his heels, spinning to the side just enough so that he didn't collide with the other player. Just as fast as he'd turned, Adam pulled back his racquet and threw the ball like it was instinct- it sailed across the court, seemingly directionless, until another racquet came out of nowhere and caught it midair. There was no question who the racquet belonged to, and Ronan felt a sharp grin pulling at his mouth.

Gansey pulled his racquet close to him and darted past the last of the other team's defense before winding up and taking a shot just before the buzzer sounded. Ronan couldn't hear the swish of the net as the ball hit the back of the goal, but he did hear Blue's annoyed groan from her spot next to him. "I hate you guys," she grumbled, and Ronan kicked at her foot lightly. 

They separated then, each joining their respective teams for the mandatory handshake where both teams congratulated each other on a good game while only the winners really meant it. Blue slugged Ronan on the shoulder as she passed him and he reached up to muss her hair, which she ducked away from with her tongue sticking out. Gansey laughed good naturedly from behind him. 

Afterwards in the locker room, Ronan had almost finished packing his shit when their coach walked into the locker room. His eyes roamed the room before landing on him, and he began to approach with a serious expression on his face. "Mr. Lynch," he said, and Ronan stared back at him. There was a short moment of silence that followed, before the coach continued after realizing that he was not going to get a response. "There's somebody outside that would like to see you."

Gansey and Adam exchanged a look, and Ronan raised an eyebrow. "I'm good," he said, turning back to his bag. 

The coach sputtered. "Ronan," Gansey said, his tone chastising. Ronan did not feel at all guilty.

"I do believe that meeting with him would benefit you," the coach tried again. 

When Ronan didn't respond again, Gansey intervened with a very proper sounding, "He'd love to."

"No I wouldn't," Ronan hissed, gritting his teeth. There were only two people who could want to see him, and that was either Declan or someone he hadn't met yet. Ronan did not much care for either of those options. 

"Ronan," Gansey sighed, and Ronan hated the quiet disappointment that he could hear in his tone. 

Ronan set his jaw, staring at the ground. He knew that he wouldn't hear the end of it if he didn't go, and he didn't want to deal with Gansey's disappointed dad look all night, so he begrudgingly huffed, "Fine," and dropped his racquet before stomping out of the locker room. 

When he reemerged in the gym, he noticed Blue standing near center court with a stranger. He was average height, tall next to Blue, with a white button up and flame tattoos on either forearm. Both he and Blue looked over when he entered, and the man beckoned him over. 

"Ronan Lynch," he greeted him. He didn't offer his hand to shake, which had Ronan hating him a little less. "I'm David Wymack, I'm-"

"No," Ronan cut him off. 

"Ronan!" Blue gaped at him, scandalized. 

Wymack raised an eyebrow at him, but waved a hand dismissively. "I'd like to sign the both of you to my team."

Blue looked very much like she wanted to say yes, but she kept her mouth closed. Instead, she glanced at Ronan again. She seemed annoyed. "No," Ronan said again. Blue kicked him in the shins before turning to Wymack apologetically.

"I'd love to," she said, "but I can't afford Palmetto." Ronan didn't miss the way her cheeks flared pink at the admission. He felt, appropriately, like a bit of an asshole, so bluntly turning down an opportunity that Blue would kill for right in front of her when he so clearly had the means to achieve it. She probably thought he was an entitled asshole. Which he was, but that wasn't the only reason he'd said no.

"Palmetto is prepared to offer scholarships to any recruits who need them," Wymack informed her. "I've seen you play, Miss Sargent, and I liked what I saw. You too, Mr. Lynch."

"Spare me that 'mister' bullshit, it's Ronan," Ronan said. Blue kicked him again and looked up at Wymack.

"Are you serious?" she asked, eyes wide. Ronan recognized the expression as one of hope.

"Always," Wymack assured her, and she smiled big and wide.

"Then I'd love to play for you," she said. "So would Ronan."

"No I wouldn't," Ronan insisted, and this time Blue reached up to smack the back of his head.

"Shut up, Lynch, you love Exy," she reminded him angrily. "Don't make me go out there by myself."

Ronan pressed his lips together. He did love Exy, but he loved other things too. Cabeswater, now Lindenmere. Opal. St. Agnes. Adam. There was also the issue of his dreaming. While it was true he was almost always in control of it, he didn't know what would happen if he left Henrietta. If he tried to dream somewhere that wasn't on a leyline. It hadn't gone very well when he was younger. He hadn't done it in a very long time and he wasn't exactly eager to try it again. "I'm not one of your broken little charity cases," he snarled.

"I never said you were," Wymack replied coolly. He didn't blink under Ronan's scathing look. He distantly reminded him of Adam, of the calm way he would stare back at Ronan when he was yelling, seething with rage, Ronan the angry sea and Adam the sturdy shore. Something tugged in his chest.

"I have a condition," he said finally, making Wymack look at him. "Two, actually."

"Name them."

"One, I get my own room. You don't get to ask why but you will respect it." Ronan wouldn't subject any of his teammates to a dream gone wrong should it occur. Blue seemed to understand his train of thought because her eyes widened, like maybe she'd forgotten about that part of Ronan and how it would affect his decision. "And two, I want you to recruit Adam Parrish and Richard Gansey."

"Those are the two boys who made that last goal?" Wymack asked. When Ronan nodded in confirmation, Wymack nodded back. "Done and done."

Blue looked at Ronan, a slight frown taking over her features. "Adam won't want your pity."

"Then its a good thing I'm not asking out of pity," Ronan hissed through his teeth. If this was happening, he needed his Magician with him to control him. To guide him, help him if shit went south. He also needed Gansey, but that was more because it was Gansey and Ronan didn't want to go if Gansey wasn't coming with. 

"He still won't like knowing that someone had to ask for him instead of earning it by himself," Blue told him. 

"If it makes any difference," Wymack piped up, "I'd already decided I liked the looks of them. I would've looked into him anyway."

"See?" Ronan grinned, and it was a little less harsh than his usual smile. Blue noticed, and, like she couldn't really believe any of this was happening, she hesitantly let herself smile back.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they really do be moving in tho

Leaving Henrietta had been easier than Ronan expected. He thought maybe it was because it had been his choice to leave, instead of having it taken from him against his will. He wasn't used to that, but it was nice, the knowledge that he could go back at any time and see The Barns, Opal, Matthew, St. Agnes. It was also easy, he thought, because he was bringing parts of Henrietta with him. Adam had given him a little potted plant, some magic flower from Lindenmere that hurt to look at in the best way possible. He had Chainsaw, who had begrudgingly allowed herself to be guided into the backseat of the BMW and was pecking at the back of Ronan's seat. He had Gansey and Adam and Blue. He had his dreams. 

He would still miss it fiercely, but he didn't feel choked by it's absence like he had expected to be.

"Kerah!" Chainsaw whined, and they were close enough to PSU that Ronan simply rolled down the window and let her fly out. He saw her fall behind in the rearview mirror. 

Ronan's phone began to ring from its spot in the passenger seat. He did not answer.

By the time Ronan was pulling into the parking lot in front of the dorms, his phone had rung itself into silence another five times. Irritated, he checked the recent calls list. Six missed calls from Declan, and several texts. Evidently, he had not been happy to hear about Ronan leaving Henrietta. He sent a friendly text back (read: fuck you) before shutting his phone off and shoving it in his back pocket. 

Ronan didn't bother to take more than one bag with him as he made his way to the building. He knew that he would unpack later when Gansey and the others arrived and forced him to. Also, Blue was bringing Mr. Gray to carry her things, and while it was common knowledge that Ronan hated the fucker, maybe he could get him to carry in his bags for him as well. Guilt was a hell of a motivator, and God knew the Gray Man had plenty of reasons to feel guilty. Especially when it came to Ronan.

He had almost made his way across the parking lot when a voice came from behind him. "Hey!" Ronan paused at the greeting, turning to look for whoever had spoken. Someone was jogging toward him, looking like they were coming from somewhere further in campus. He was tall, maybe a couple inches taller than Ronan, with dark skin and spiky hair. He was wearing an easy grin as he made his was over. Once he was close enough to start coming to a stop, he asked, "Are you one of the new recruits?" 

Ronan didn't really want to talk, but he didn't see a way out of this conversation. He shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders. "Yes," he grunted. 

"I'm Matt, one of the backliners." Just like Wymack had when they first met, Matt didn't hold out his hand to shake and Ronan let his shoulders relax ever so slightly. "Which one are you?"

"Ronan," Ronan said. 

"Ah, so I'll be seeing quite a lot of you, then," Matt said, probably in reference to the fact that Ronan was also a backliner. "It's good to have you on the team, Ronan."

"Uh-huh."

Matt grinned at him, apparently not put off by Ronan's clear lack of interest in the conversation. "You're the first new recruit to get here. When do you think the others are coming?"

Ronan had left at the same time as everyone else, which meant that there was probably still a good half hour before they arrived. "Soon." He shifted so that his body was angled toward the building, hoping that Matt would take the hint that he wanted to leave. Matt nodded, but Ronan noticed the searching look he gave him. Almost like he was assessing him. 

"Well, everyone's getting together in the lounge tonight if you feel like joining," he offered. Ronan grunted in acknowledgement before suddenly Matt's eyes focused on something behind Ronan, blown wide. "Shit, bird!"

Ronan didn't flinch when Chainsaw landed on his shoulder, carefully avoiding digging her claws into his skin. "Kerah!" she cawed, right in his ear, before nipping at his earlobe. Ronan huffed and dug a cracker out of his pocket, holding it up for her to peck at. Matt stared at him. 

"Is that... yours?" he asked, hesitant, like he was afraid of the answer. Ronan raised an eyebrow. Interesting.

"Yes," he said, a challenge in his voice. "That a problem?"

Matt watched as Chainsaw swallowed down the rest of the cracker, giving a happy little hop in her place on Ronan's shoulder. "No," he seemed to decide, and the smile was back. "Just be careful, they don't technically allow pets in the dorms. What's his name?"

"Her," Ronan corrected. "And Chainsaw."

Chainsaw gave a little caw at her name. "You named your bird Chainsaw?" Matt asked, incredulous. 

Ronan looked at him. "Obviously." 

"Obviously," Matt echoed. He looked a little bit like his world had been turned on it's head, like he'd thought he'd had Ronan figured out and suddenly he wasn't so sure. He cleared his throat. "Well, I'll let you get up to your room. Let me know if you need any help unpacking, I'd be happy to help! Do you know who your roommates are yet?"

"Don't have any," Ronan shrugged, and a new wave of confusion washed over Matt's face. Ronan didn't stick around to elaborate, just turned toward the dorm building and walked up the path, wrenching the door open with more force than necessary. He really hoped the rest of his teammates weren't as talkative as Matt had been.

* * * * *

By the time the others arrived and brought their things to their rooms (Ronan had, in fact, succeeded in getting Mr. Gray to carry his luggage for him) the sun was beginning to set. Ronan had not thanked him but Gansey and Blue had both taken the time to do so in his stead- which was about as good as things were going to get. After he'd left, Ronan had simply shoved his collection of boxes into the far corner and followed Gansey back to his room. He was the only one of them who insisted on unpacking right away, so everyone had come to the wordless agreement to congregate in his dorm. Gansey's roommates weren't in at the moment, and Ronan was grateful. He had seen Matt's name on the door, and while he didn't exactly hate him, he wasn't looking forward to holding another conversation with the guy. But then again, that was how Ronan felt about most people.

"I met the team captain on the way in," Gansey was saying, carefully unpacking his stationary into one of the desk drawers. "She was very nice. She invited me to a get together in the lounge tonight."

Gansey sounded enthusiastic about the idea of going, so Ronan thought it might be best if he said nothing. "I'm assuming you want us to come with you?" Blue asked. 

It had been a rhetorical question, but Gansey beamed in her direction nonetheless. "That would be wonderful, Jane, yes." He turned his eyes toward Ronan and Adam, both of whom were sitting on Gansey's bed and neither of whom particularly wanted to go to the get together. 

Ronan looked to Adam, who looked back at him, and then sighed. "We might as well go," he gave in. "We'll have to meet them eventually."

That had not been the answer Ronan was hoping for, so he crossed his arms and grumbled. "Then why can't we do it eventually instead of tonight?"

Adam raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't be difficult," he said tiredly. Ronan thrived off of being difficult, but he was also outnumbered, so he just shrugged and said, "Whatever." Adam didn't say anything, but he did reach across the bed and thread his fingers through Ronan's. It sent hot sparks all up his arm, and he squeezed his hand in acknowledgement. 

"When's Cheng getting here?" Blue asked, because now they were a group of five instead of the four that they had been. Henry had also applied and gotten accepted to Palmetto State, though it had had nothing to do with exy and everything to do with his friends. ("I thought you wanted to travel the world," Blue had said, and it had felt like Ronan was intruding on some private moment when Henry looked back at her and said, "Not without you. Not without Gansey. Venezuela would be half the fun alone.") 

"Henry doesn't need to be here for quite some time, as he isn't on the team," Gansey explained. "He's graciously gotten an apartment near campus anyway. I think he said he'd be here sometime next week."

"One week of freedom, and then mom comes back," Ronan muttered. His comment earned him a private little smirk from Adam, and both Gansey and Blue looked at them disapprovingly. 

Blue said, "If Gansey's the dad, wouldn't that make me Mom?"

Adam said, "You would think so."

There was more banter and more unpacking until it was time to go to the lounge. Gansey led the way, naturally, Blue at his side with Ronan and Adam trailing behind. As they walked down the hall they began to hear voices, a few talking over each other and some laughter. They got closer and Ronan caught a whiff of alcohol, immediately turning to get a look at Adam's reaction. He seemed tense, so Ronan walked closer to him and let the backs of their hands brush. _I'm here_ , he tried to say. _I won't let anything happen._ Adam hooked their pinkies together, pressed his shoulder against Ronan's. _Message received_. He let go just before they rounded the corner into the lounge, and Ronan missed him at once. 

"Hello!" Gansey greeted the team, and suddenly all eyes were on them. There were ten or so people spread out across the lounge, a couple standing, most seated on various couches, one sunk into a beanbag chair. They all feel quiet at Gansey's words. "We're the new recruits." Gansey was using his presidential voice, and right away Ronan could tell that these people were not the sort who responded well to Gansey's presidential voice. They seemed a bit wary. Ronan could almost feel them asking, _This guy? Really?_ and he decided that he didn't like them for it. He could also feel eyes on him, and he didn't like that one bit either. Adam must have sensed it too, because his shoulder pressed up against Ronan again, a calming gesture.

A girl that sort of reminded Ronan of Blue, except with longer legs and shorter hair, stood up and approached them. "Hey!" she said, sticking out a hand to Gansey, who shook it. "I'm Dan, team captain and offensive dealer. I know you're Gansey," she gestured to Gansey, "But who're the rest of you?"

"Blue Sargent," Blue said, stepping forward. She took Dan's hand and shook it firmly, and Dan looked impressed with her already. Blue had sparks in her eyes, and it was obvious that she was already enamored with Dan- Ronan had not trouble seeing why. She held herself in a way that let you know that yes, she was kind, yes, she was friendly, but also yes, she could take care of herself and yes, she would probably kick your balls into your stomach if you ever called her 'sweetheart'. It was no surprise that Blue saw this too, and connected with it. "You were the first female exy captain," she breathed, sounding a little like she was in awe. "You're fucking awesome. I play offense too."

Dan laughed, looking rather pleased at this. "Thank you," she said.

"I'm Adam," Adam said. He didn't reach his hand out until Dan offered hers, and he shook it politely. Ronan could tell, also, that he was clipping his words short so that his Henrietta drawl wasn't so obvious, which made him frown. "Also a striker. It's very nice to meet you." 

Dan looked pleasantly surprised by his politeness. When she turned to Ronan, she did not reach out her hand for him to shake, probably because he'd made sure to linger behind the others just enough so that she wouldn't be able to reach for him. "Ronan," was all he said. When Adam nudged his leg with the toe of his boot, he relented and added, "Backliner."

"Nice," Dan said, smiling at him. 

"Is that your bird?" someone asked. Ronan turned in the direction of the voice- it was a rather pretty girl with rainbow hair and a cross necklace. Honestly, Ronan had forgotten Chainsaw was perched on his shoulder- he was so used to having her there. He nodded. "A raven?"

"Does it matter if she's a fucking raven?" Ronan huffed, crossing his arms. He had nothing against this girl, but she was the second person today to criticize Chainsaw, which was an unacceptable thing in the eyes of Ronan Lynch. Not only did he love his bird, but he had made her.

"Ronan," Gansey warned, and Ronan pressed his lips together tightly. Right. Before they'd left, he'd promised Gansey that he would try and not be too rude so as to afford the rest of his friends a 'first impression unsullied by your foul attitude'. Gansey turned to the others "Does she make you uneasy?"

"Well," Matt hummed, like he was trying to find the nicest way to say something that wasn't nice. "We haven't had the best experience with Ravens in the past."

"That's capital R, Ravens," Dan clarified, as if they could be talking about anything else. 

"She won't be a problem, if that what you're asking," Ronan harrumphed. Chainsaw shifted from one foot to another on his shoulder, sensing the tension in the room that seemed to be directed toward her. As if to show her harmlessness, she gently bit at Ronan's ear in an affectionate way. 

"And neither will Ronan, for that matter," Gansey added. Now that, Ronan thought, was debatable, and equally dependent on how the other Foxes acted toward _him_.

Dan was looking at him like she wanted to ask more questions, and Ronan fervently prayed that she wouldn't. He shifted awkwardly, his eyes flicking over to Adam. He was trying not to be rude, but he wasn't sure how to talk and not be rude at the same time, so now he was opting for silence. Except now people wanted him to talk, and he didn't know what she wanted him to say. What he _should_ say.

"Well, I'm Matt," came a voice, giving him an out. Ronan was relieved as everyone's eyes shifted away from him and toward the new speaker. "Dan's loving boyfriend, and also backliner. That's Allison, Renee-" Matt went on to point at and name the rest of the foxes. There was Renee and Allison, both very pretty and quietly terrifying. There was Nicky, with his wildly gesticulating hands and coffee colored skin. There was Kevin, drunk on the beanbag chair. There was Aaron, short and angry looking, not to be confused with Andrew, who was short and disinterested looking. Next to Andrew was Neil, with shocking blue eyes and scars marring his face. He and Andrew wore matching black armbands. Ronan let himself stare for the count of two seconds before looking away.

Everyone began moving to sit down. Gansey took a seat on one of the smaller couches, flanked on either side by Blue and Adam. Ronan opted to sit on the back of the couch, one foot planted on the armrest and the other stretched out behind his friend's heads. There was a bit of an awkward silence, nobody quite knowing what to say, until Blue asked, "So what's it like here?" and Dan launched into some explanation of campus and training and PSU, which Ronan was entirely disinterested in and tuned out almost at once. 

Ronan glanced around the room as the other began talking, not paying attention to anything in particular. He saw that Blue and Gansey were sitting close enough to look like a couple, and that Adam was resting his elbow on the armrest just an inch from his leg. He saw that Dan, even from her spot on Matt's lap, looked powerful and in control, and again he was reminded of Blue. He noticed that Kevin was both very drunk and listening to the conversation around him, but that he seemed to be avoiding looking at the four of them on the couch for some reason. He caught sight of a stain on the back wall that looked a little like Australia. He noticed that Nicky, unlike Kevin, was raking his eyes over the lot of them, and that Neil and Andrew were sitting very close, but just barely not touching. He watched as Neil leaned into Andrew, their shoulders touching, and whispered something in his ear. He watched Andrew shiver in response to whatever had been said, or maybe it was in response to the air of the whisper against his ear. Ronan wondered briefly if they were like him and Adam. 

He forgot that he wasn't supposed to stare, and suddenly Andrew was turning his head, noticing him, blinking when he realized he had been watching.

Andrew looked back at him. Then he kept looking.

Ronan was quiet by nature simply because he didn't care enough to talk, but it was clear that Andrew was quiet because he was observing. Ronan felt uncomfortably scrutinized under his sharp gaze. Stubbornly, he stared back, narrowing his eyes at the man. On his shoulder, Chainsaw shifted from one foot to the other and ruffled her feathers, sensing his discomfort.

"You find what you're looking for yet?" he snapped impatiently, tired of the staring contest. The conversation around them died down in response to his harsh tone.

A lazy smirk pulled at Andrew's mouth. "Yes."

Ronan felt himself prickle at the self satisfied tone, like he thought he had Ronan all figured out just from that minute of staring. "Fuck off," he sneered, baring his teeth. Andrew didn't react, but Neil did, his shoulders tensing like he was preparing for a fight. Ronan fought back a scoff- like he would actually do anything.

"Ronan," Adam said, amusement seeping through the cracks of his warning. "Play nice."

Ronan huffed and kicked at the armrest. "I am," he insisted petulantly. 

"This is you playing nice?" Nicky mused. Turning to the others, he announced, "He's just as bad as Andrew."

"His bark is worse than his bite," Gansey assured them. Ronan glared at him, annoyed that he'd just expose him like that when he was clearly trying to be intimidating.

"Wanna bet, Dick?" he challenged, and Gansey raised a singular eyebrow at him. 

"I don't need to," he said back, completely confident. There wasn't really any way Ronan could respond to that, so he just crossed his arms with a reluctant grumble and rolled his eyes. Gansey smiled at him.

Ronan looked away, some of the aggression seeping out of him. His eyes landed on Blue, who had taken his place in the staring contest with Andrew. Neither of them budged. When the silence stretched for too long to be comfortable, Blue raised an eyebrow at Andrew, like a dare. He raised one back at her, but he looked pleased rather than smug, like she had passed some test. Maybe that was what Ronan was supposed to have done. 

"Well," Nicky said, clapping his hands to get everyone's attention. "I think that's enough angst and tension for one sitting. Who wants alcohol?"

* * * * *

That night, Ronan dreamt. 

When he became aware of himself he was in a forest. For a short, hopeful second, he almost believed he was back in Cabeswater, but as soon as he thought it he realized how untrue it was. This was not Cabeswater. The trees were still and silent, there was no magic. Just leaves and dirt. It was beautiful in a dull sort of way. Once you had seen the impossible, even the most amazing things became ordinary because they were no longer enough. 

"Kerah!" Ronan turned at the sound of his name, searching for the dreamthing that had called it. He didn't think it had been Chainsaw or Opal, but what else could there be? There was nothing else here. Maybe he had imagined it. 

He began to walk, wandering around the forest. Leaves crunched under his bare feet. He focused on the rhythm of his steps- one, two, one, two, one, two. He didn't know how long he walked for, but it seemed like it had been a while. 

"Kerah!" he heard again, and this time he knew that he hadn't imagined it. It had come from up ahead, and so Ronan kept walking. The trees began to spread out the further he went, and through the trunks he could see a building. It was white and made of stone, but it wasn't until he finally walked into the clearing that he realized what it was.

It was St. Agnes, made from some pale type of stone that Ronan immediately knew did not exist in real life. He approached the building, and when he reached out to brush his fingers against the stone it was soft in the way that touching a blanket was soft. 

"Kerah!" His name, a third time. It was coming from inside the church, but for some reason the sound of it twisted his stomach with dread. 

"What is this place?" Ronan asked aloud, speaking to the forest around him. "Lindenmere?" It did not look like Lindenmere, and when he got no response Ronan decided that it wasn't. But he also thought that it would be strange to dream in such an ordinary place but still have such unordinary dreams. Here was this building in front of him that shouldn't exist, made from a material that didn't exist, with some creature inside calling a name that only dreams knew. 

Ronan swallowed the fear building inside of him and walked around to the front of the church, pushing the doors open. All at once, he was met with a sight he hadn't been prepared for: Blue, Adam and Gansey stood at the front of the room. Adam was in the center of the stage, positioned in front of the statue of Jesus on the cross, looking every bit as gaunt as the son of God himself. Blue and Gansey were on either side of him. All of them wore white.

"Kerah!" It was the fourth repetition of his name that finally sent shivers down his spine, because now Ronan saw what was calling him. All three of his friends opened their mouths at the same time, moved their lips to form the shape of his name in unison, but only one voice came out. It was a voice that belonged to none of them and all of them, and all at once Ronan was terrified. 

His not-friends opened their mouths again. "Greywaren," they said. Adam smiled, and it was all wrong. His lips twisted too harsh, his nose too straight, his eyes too hungry. 

Ronan watched as the stepped off the stage, going down the steps in perfect synchronization. "Make it safe," Ronan said. He knew that it wouldn't work, but he was still scared when it didn't. 

Ronan took a step back and stumbled over something. He landed harshly on his bottom, his feet propped up on a pile of rocks that hadn't been there when he walked in. Without thinking, almost like he wasn't the one in control, Ronan frantically grabbed one of the stones and threw it at the three approaching figures. 

As soon as the rock left his hand, it turned into a knife. It took Ronan a moment too long to process the transformation, and when he tried to reach for it to bring it back it was too far ahead of him. He watched in horror as it sailed through the air and landed in the perfect center of not-Adam's chest. Red pooled around the knife, staining his shirt, but his steps did not falter. 

Ronan wanted to run, but suddenly he couldn't get up. His legs wouldn't work. Desperate, terrified, guilty, he picked up another rock. This one he threw at not-Blue. He threw another at not-Gansey. Each rock turned to a knife the minute he threw it, and each one stuck in the chest of not-friends, and each of them kept walking like there wasn't blood gushing down their fronts.

"Please!" Ronan shouted. He was calling for anything, anyone. Something that would listen, surely, was bound to hear. He couldn't be alone, this couldn't just be a regular forest. It couldn't it couldn't it couldn't-

Then Ronan remembered. It couldn't just be regular because it was his head, _his_ dream. He couldn't stop himself from throwing more stones, but as he did so he imagined the forest around him. He began to convince himself that it wasn't ordinary at all. He remembered Cabeswater, with it's temperamental magic and its casual wonderfulness, the trees that reached to say hello, the pool with the fish that changed colors, the caves, the beautiful and strange creatures that he saw through the leaves. He pictured himself there now.

" _Placeo_ ," Ronan pleaded. 

He threw another rock, watched as the knife landed in not-Gansey's stomach. He didn't slow down, didn't change expressions. It wasn't Gansey. Ronan still couldn't help the stinging behind his eyes at the sight. Was this where he died? In his own dream, far away from the ley-line, unable to control himself in this new and unfamiliar forest?

He tried one last time. " _Placeo_." Something wet spilled over onto his cheeks and gathered under his chin. "Placeo, placeo-" something was bubbling up in Ronan's throat. It felt like he might throw up, but there was no nausea, no overwhelming hotness. It came from somewhere deep within, and suddenly Ronan realized that it was a word. 

He opened his mouth and let it out. " _Pitia_ ," he blurted, and all at once Ronan recognized it as his dream language. The language of the trees, Opal's favored tongue, a sign of magic and familiarity. 

He had been right. This was no ordinary forest.

Ronan woke up.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay lmaoo so just letting ya'll know that riko is still alive in this. we're just gonna pretend that most of what went down in the third book of aftg hasn't happened yet. the shit with neil's dad happened already, but the stuff with the moriyamas/the ravens has not happened yet. sorry if the timeline is confusing i hope it will make sense when you read it ahhh
> 
> also so much happens in the chapter and its pretty much almost all dialogue so lmao sorry about that

The next morning, Ronan went to Adam's room at the asscrack of dawn and pounded on the door until someone woke up. He didn't really care if Nicky was annoyed, and the fact that Aaron looked downright murderous meant nothing to him. Adam seemed rather peeved himself, but there must have been something on Ronan's face that kept him from commenting on the early hour and instead he quietly bid his roommates goodbye and good luck getting back to sleep before slipping out into the hall. 

"Ronan, we've been here for a day. Now my roommates hate you."

"They already hated me," Ronan said. It was more of a guess than a fact, but it didn't matter to him. "I had a dream last night."

Adam looked more awake than he had in the moment before Ronan spoke. "Let's go get Gansey."

Adam's way of waking Gansey proved a lot more efficient than Ronan's. Gansey was a light sleeper, and all he needed to do was send a text and let the notification noise do its work. Adam sent one to Blue as well, but really, it was a toss up on whether she'd get it in a timely manner or not. Gansey refused to let Ronan pound on the door of the girl's dormitory, and Ronan couldn't tell if it was because he respected them or if he was a little bit afraid of them. 

The convened is Ronan's room, since he had no roommates to bother. Adam and Gansey listened intently as Ronan detailed his dream, from the ordinary forest that wasn't ordinary, to the odd version of St. Agnes, to the twisted versions of themselves that had been so terrifying just to be near. Both Adam and Gansey looked regretful for the actions of their dream selves, which Ronan found stupid. It hadn't been them. 

When he was finished, the pair of them blinked at him for a moment before speaking. "You mean to tell me," Gansey said slowly, "that you dreamt _another_ forest?" 

That didn't sound right. Ronan hadn't dreamt it. He hadn't even dreamt Cabeswater, technically, just given it a body. He tried, "More like I... woke it up?" He still wasn't entirely sure himself, but that seemed to be the best way to describe what had happened. 

Gansey was at once delighted with this. "You wonderful creature," he said, sounding awed. 

"You woke it up," Adam said. "Like a sleeper?"

"That's what fucks me over," Ronan admitted, falling back onto his bed. "There were only supposed to be three."

"Four isn't a very magical number," Adam agreed.

Gansey was staring off into the distance somewhere, clearly thinking hard about something. "Explain to me what happened again," Gansey said. Ronan explained. As he did, he saw light festering in Gansey's eyes, growing as he formed an idea. He thought and thought and thought, and finally, he said, "I don't think you woke it up. I think you found it."

"But it wasn't magic when I found it," Ronan reminded him.

"No, wait. I meant... like a game of hide and seek. The magic was hiding. You found the forest, you spoke your dream language, and something about that made the forest come out of hiding. You found it."

Ronan pondered this for a second. He saw Adam mulling it over in his head too, saw the gears spinning behind his eyes. "That makes sense," Ronan admitted. "What doesn't make sense is _why_ it was hiding."

"Or what forest it is," Adam said. He turned to Ronan. "You told me that when you dreamed Lindenmere, you tried to dream it so that it would be able to connect with other forests like it, if they existed. Could that be what this is? Another forest, trying to connect?"

"What forest?" Ronan asked. "We aren't even on a ley line."

"Aha!" Gansey said. Both Adam and Ronan turned to him, eyebrows raised. "That's the strangeness of it. We aren't on a ley line. And yet, you've clearly forged a connection related to one. Or at least, a magical forest that resides on one." 

"So what does that mean then?" Ronan asked. 

"Maybe- hm." Gansey cupped his own chin with his palm. "Is it possible that your dreaming is entirely separate from the magic of the ley line?"

As soon as Gansey said it out loud, Ronan felt like he should have come to that conclusion himself. But then, he immediately felt dwarfed by the possibilities that came with the suggestion. If his magic wasn't tied to the ley line, then where else did it come from? His father had had it, Kavinsky had had it. They had all been connected to ley lines in some way or another. But if those things weren't connected... 

Just how many more Dreamers were out there?

"I don't know," Ronan admitted angrily. He hated not knowing. He hated being nearly clueless about this huge, important part of himself. He hated his father for not telling him more before he'd gotten himself killed. He hated himself for hating his father, because he loved his father. He hated the Gray Man for killing his father. " _Fuck_ ," he said emphatically. 

"If there are Dreamers who don't live on ley lines, do they have forests to dream in as well? Or was that a product of the ley line?" Gansey wondered. "Where do they dream if not a forest? And you're not on a ley line, so why are you being reached out to? Could that be what other Dreamers not on a ley line experience? Or is this experience unique to you alone? What does that mean for you if it's true? Christ, I should have brought my journal."

Gansey was speaking his thoughts out loud to untangle them from the mess in his head, but now all those questions had jumped the space between them and were swimming around in Ronan's head, and he felt a bit overwhelmed. There was so much he didn't know. There was not enough time to find the kind of big, meaningful answers he wanted. He wasn't even sure those answers existed. He wasn't sure if he would be glad he found them if he ever did. 

"Let's pause this conversation until Blue gets here," Adam suggested, and Ronan felt a surge of fierce appreciation for his boyfriend. Adam had always been observant, especially, as it turned out, when it came to Ronan. There was no doubt in his mind that Adam had seen his racing thoughts all over his face, in his body language. Ronan scooted over on the bed, resting his head against Adam's thigh. _Thank you_. Adam brushed his knuckles over the prickly softness of his buzzcut. 

"Good idea," Gansey said. He seemed to mellow out a bit at the mention of Blue. "I can't imagine she'll be too excited to hear we've discussed this without her."

"It's not like we won't catch her up," Ronan replied, just as his phone began to buzz insistently in his pocket. He ignored it until it stopped. There was a moment of blissful silence before it started again, and Ronan groaned loudly before digging his phone from his pocket and simply holding down the power button until it clicked off. He dutifully ignored the look that Gansey was giving him.

"Was that Declan?" he asked, and Ronan stayed silent. There was no point confirming what Gansey already knew. "You know if you don't answer him, he'll just call me instead."

"And I won't care any more than I do when he calls my phone," Ronan huffed. 

Gansey looked a bit peeved. "Has it ever occurred to you," he asked, "that Declan might be calling you for something _important_?"

"If it's that important, he'll get to me eventually."

"You are impossible," Gansey said. It somehow managed to sound like a complaint and a compliment at the same time. 

Ronan might have dignified that with a response, but there was a sudden knock on the door. Gansey was the one who got up and crossed to the door. He opened it, and immediately a small, angry pygmy burst into the room. "Did you bastards have an important meeting without me?" Blue asked, narrowing her eyes first at Gansey, then Ronan and finally Adam. Each one of them cowed under her gaze.

"We didn't want to knock and wake your roommates," Gansey offered weakly, and Blue responded with a heavy roll of her eyes. 

"Pshaw," she said. "Just catch me up. I'll decide if I'll forgive you depending on how drastic it is."

* * * * *

Blue had forgiven them pretty quickly upon being informed of the situation. However, after the initial discussion, there hadn't been much time for talking about it further, much less starting to do anything about it. That week saw the Foxes' first practice, which went about as well as one would expect it to. 

There was a clear divide between the two groups, exacerbated by Ronan and some of the more difficult Foxes. Andrew seemed bored in the goal, which would have been comforting if they hadn't been practicing penalty shots at the time. Blue and Andrew kept staring at each other with some weird sort of respect in their eyes, and Blue and Aaron kept glaring at each other in contempt. Nicky kept breaking position to flirt with both Adam and Ronan, the former of which politely declined the advances and the latter of which had used some choice words to _kindly_ request that he fuck off. Most of the other Foxes were keeping a wide berth around both Adam and Gansey; Adam because of his _otherness_ that was hard to ignore, and Gansey because of his Ganseyness- also hard to ignore, if you didn't yet know how to look past it. Also, Kevin Day was either avoiding looking directly at Ronan or staring at him all hesitant and scared looking, and it was starting to piss him off.

Finally, Wymack had told them all in a loud voice to piss off, and that when they came back the next day they had better have their shit together because he wasn't going to coach a team that regressed back to high-school antics every time a new season started. They had all returned to their dorms properly chastised.

The next practice went relatively better. Nicky had resigned himself to flirting during water breaks instead of while they were running drills. Andrew actually participated that time, probably because of whatever Neil had said to him before practice. Ronan was almost positive that those two were either together or on the cusp of getting together. None of the other foxes seemed very bothered by it, nor did they seem bothered by Nicky's flamboyant and loud expression of his own sexuality. That was relieving, not only to Ronan but Adam as well. He didn't think that he and Adam were hiding their relationship, but they also weren't going out of their way to let anybody know about it. At the moment, all of the people that mattered to Ronan knew, and that was the only thing he cared about. 

Something that persisted through the week, however, was the fact that Kevin Day was avoiding Ronan like the plague- on and off the field. Ronan didn't know what the fuck his problem was, but he kept catching the other man staring at him apprehensively, always from a distance, always looking away the moment he was caught. It was annoying as hell, and it grated on his nerves. He was used to people treating him like he was dangerous, only this time he didn't know _why_ , because as far as he was aware he hadn't done anything to make Kevin so wary of him. 

As it turned out, Ronan didn't have to wonder for very long. The answer came at the end of that week, with the arrival of Henry Cheng. "Richardman!" Henry called delightedly as he entered the lounge, opening his arms wide and launching himself at the shorter boy. Gansey hugged him back, patting his back in a bro sort of way before pulling back. A short little figure popped up between the two and threw her arms around Henry as well. "Sargent!" Henry exclaimed, sounding just as excited to see her. 

Once the three musketeers were done greeting each other, Henry turned to Adam and Ronan. Henry and Adam did some dumb bro-handshake that involved a chest bump and a back pat, and Henry and Ronan simply looked at each other. "I should warn you," Henry started, talking to Ronan. He was cut off, however, but a loud shout and a commotion in the hallway. Something thudded against the wall, maybe a person, and Ronan looked at Adam before the two of them rushed to open the door, the other three close behind them.

Here was a sight Ronan had not expected to see that day: Declan Lynch in the hall of his dormitory, back pressed against the wall by Andrew, who was so much shorter than him but every bit as large, and who was also holding a knife against his stomach. Neil was standing close behind him, looking ready to either pounce or run away as he stared at Declan. Declan, to his credit, did not look very scared, but he did look annoyed when he noticed his brother appear in the hall next to him.

"Declan's here," Henry finished lamely.

"Put the knife down, you goddamn midget," Ronan snapped. Then he turned to Henry. "How the fuck did he get here?"

Henry shrugged. "Came at the same time I did. He might have been following me."

"Oh my," came Gansey's voice, shocked and distant.

"I wasn't following anybody," Declan sighed, looking back to Andrew. "Can you let me go? I'd very much appreciate it."

"I don't trust you enough to do that," Andrew told him darkly. "Why don't you tell me why Kevin reacted like that when he saw you?" At the mention of Kevin, Ronan quickly scanned the room until he found him- he was standing back from Andrew and Declan, eyes wide and chest heaving, looking like he was in the middle of panicking. He noticed that Ronan was looking at him, and the look in his eyes was tenfold what it had been previously when he looked at Ronan. Before, he had seemed wary and suspicious. Now, he looked like his suspicions had been confirmed, and he was terrified of what that meant.

"Then trust me," Ronan said. "Ask what you need to. We'll answer."

Declan looked very much like he did not agree with this proposed solution. "Ronan-"

"Do you want to get stabbed in athlete housing?" Ronan hissed, and Declan shut his mouth with an angry _click_ of his jaw. Both brothers turned to look at Andrew, two pairs of lightning blue eyes waiting for him to do something. 

"Do it," said Neil. For a horrifying moment, Ronan thought that Neil had just ordered Andrew to stab his brother- but then Andrew was leaning back, knife disappearing back under his armband. 

"In there," Andrew gestured stiffly to Ronan's room, and everyone retreated back into the room. The brothers Lynch, plus all those from Henrietta, plus Andrew, Neil, and a very reluctant Kevin. Declan shut the door before anyone else could make their way in. 

It was deadly quiet in the room, everybody just looking at each other for a few moments. Ronan looking at Declan, trying to figure out why the fuck he was here. Kevin and Neil looking at Declan too, like they'd seen a ghost. Declan looking at Ronan, annoyance and worry twisting his features. Henry looking at Kevin, something unreadable in his eyes. Andrew looking at Kevin, trying to figure out the meaning of his reaction. Gansey and Blue and Adam looking between everyone else, utterly confused and afraid and tired of this shit happening to them.

"Why do Kevin and Neil seem to know you?" Andrew asked. It was casual, but the icy threat beneath his words did not go unnoticed. 

Declan hesitated, like he was trying to figure out just how much he could say without exposing too many secrets. Some things, like Ronan's status as a Dreamer, were too fragile to just put out in the open, even like this. "My father," he began slowly, "was in business with both of theirs."

This hadn't been what Ronan had expecting to hear, but then, he wasn't really been sure what else he thought it might be. Of course it was his father. Just like with Greenmantle, his father's past came back to haunt his sons when it was the least convenient. "Just your father?" Andrew prodded.

"I was his assistant of sorts," Declan admitted. "He was training me to take over the business."

"What business?"

"He traded impossible artifacts," was the answer, and Ronan had to hold back a snort. Impossible artifacts, dreams. What was the difference?

"Impossible how?"

"If I knew, they wouldn't be impossible." Declan spoke with all the professionalism of a businessman, and all the resigned detachment of a serial killer. For a moment, Ronan was reminded of The Gray Man and his chillingly cool demeanor that he used for work- then he immediately hated himself for comparing his brother to the man who'd killed their father. 

"Is he still in business?" It was Neil who'd asked. 

"No," Declan said, matter-of-fact. "He's dead."

"Murdered," Ronan corrected, spitting the word out with contempt. "He was murdered." 

"And are _you_ still in business?" Andrew asked. His eyes were narrowed. 

Declan sighed. "My father promised a lot of things to a lot of people before he died. Some of those things he didn't even have yet. So yes, I am. But I'm not doing it for the hell of it."

"Your father-" this was Kevin. It was the first time he'd spoken since Declan's arrival, and he still looked rather pale. "He promised things to my father. I don't know what impossible artifacts you might be planning to give him, but Tetsuji is not a person who should have such things." 

"And your father?" Declan asked, turning to Neil. 

Neil stared at him. "Also dead."

Andrew looked at Declan, then at Ronan. "If you are in the business of helping the Moriyamas, I want you gone."

"That's not up to you," Ronan snapped, but he turned to Declan anyway. "Can't you just stop giving them shit? It's not like _you_ promised them anything."

Declan looked furious, which was maybe the most emotion he'd shown in a while. "I can't just stop," he spat through gritted teeth. "It's not just the Moriyamas. Dad knew some very dangerous people. They don't care who gets them what they want as long as they get it."

"And what happens if you don't give them what they want?" Ronan asked.

"They kill me," Declan told him simply. "They kill you. They kill Matthew. They kill everything you love and then some."

Ronan didn't know what to say to that, so he said nothing. Behind him, Adam let out a very appropriate "Fuck."

Declan said, "Now you're getting it."

There was another long silence. Ronan wondered if this was the reason Declan had come all this way, had been calling him relentlessly all week. If it was because his father has associated with these dangerous people who were somehow, apparently, connected to the Exy team he had just signed to. And now the manager of the Ravens, who he'd previously known simply as the Foxes rival team, was apparently a threat to his livelihood. He looked at Andrew, then Neil, then Kevin, and said, "You need to tell me what the fuck is going on with you and those Ravens."

Neil stared at him, expression cold and guarded. "I don't have to tell you that. I don't owe you anything."

Ronan growled, "You aren't the only person who has to deal with their shit now. People I care about are in danger now, apparently, and I'd like to know how much if that's fucking alright with you and your bodyguard. I showed you mine," he gestured toward Declan, "so show me yours." 

Andrew looked about two seconds from pulling his knife out again, but Neil stepped forward and gestured for him to back down. He stared Ronan straight in the eyes- it was odd, really, because both Neil and Andrew were so much shorter than him. He definitely had at least a foot on Andrew, and Neil wasn't much better off. But he wasn't under any delusions that these two weren't just as fierce as him or Blue or Adam. Andrew had threatened to stab Declan, and somehow Ronan knew that he probably would have. 

"Fine," Neil relented, finally. And then he explained.

* * * * *

By the time Neil, Andrew and Kevin left the room, an uneasy truce had been arranged between the two groups. The Foxes had reluctantly accepted the fact that Declan was doing things because he _had_ to, not because he wanted to, and they also accepted that Ronan himself had nothing to do with that business and therefore was not a threat to them. Those from Henrietta had reluctantly accepted the fact that The Ravens, number one team, was a front for the yakuza, and was essentially a cult. It was a day of revelations, and none of them were good. 

"What the fuck did we get ourselves into," Blue said, sitting down hard on the edge of Ronan's mattress.

Ronan saw that Declan was watching him carefully. "Is that what you needed?" he asked, tone harsh. "You told me everything you needed to? You can go home now."

"You idiot!" Declan snapped, in a very un-Declan way. "You need to leave, now."

"Why?"

"Why?" Declan repeated angrily. " _Why_? Because right now they don't know what you are, Ronan. But they could find out. The _Moriyamas_ could find out. What they could do with that..."

"I can take care of myself," Ronan argued, but even as he said it there was a lump forming in his throat. So _this_ was what Declan had come for. "It's not like I'd give them what they wanted, anyway."

"You can't always help it," Declan reminded him. "You know that."

"If I may interject," Henry piped up, raising his hand, "but I don't think this is just about you." He gestured to the people in the room around him. "What was it that Declan said?"

"They'll kill everyone I love," Ronan gritted his teeth. "I think you'll be fine, Cheng."

Henry looked stung, and next to him, Gansey and Blue looked deeply disappointed, but he merely bit his lip and repeated the last part of Declan's earlier warning. "And then some."

"If Declan keeps selling, we're fine."

"If Declan keeps selling, bad people get powerful things," Gansey pointed out. 

"Yeah, it's a real Sophie's choice," Ronan grumbled. He was angry and frustrated and scared. "I don't know what the fuck you think I'm supposed to do about this." 

Blue took a step toward him, a complicated expression on her face. "I don't think you're supposed to do anything," she told him. "I think right now, the best thing we can do is what we're already doing."

Declan looked affronted for half a second before fixing his face into something more neutral. "So, nothing? You're going to do nothing?"

"Yes," Blue said, firm and sure of herself. "I'm with Ronan. Right now, the Moriyamas don't know what he can do. And unless one of us is going to tell them ourselves, they have no way of finding out. And it's not like we cared about who you sold to before. We can't exactly do anything about this."

"And what if something happens?" Declan pressed, "What if one of _them_ find out? Do you trust them to keep your secret?"

"That's something we'll have to deal with if it happens," Adam admitted, "but that's _if_ , Declan, not when. And I have a feeling we'll think of something." Ronan knew that Adam was already thinking up ways that they could get an advantage over people, but if he was thinking about the Moriyamas or their new teammates he wasn't sure. He felt something churn in his stomach- he didn't really want to have to go through another round of watching a mangled copy of himself die in front of him for blackmail. If it came down to it, he might have to, but it wasn't something he enjoyed thinking about. It was even less enjoyable to actually do.

Declan looked at Adam, then at Blue, and Gansey, and Henry, and finally Ronan. "If you fuck up and need help," he said, making his way to the door, "don't call me."

Ronan knew it was an empty threat. Declan could pretend all he wanted, but the truth was that even if he didn't like Ronan, he still loved him. So Ronan just said, "I will," and watched Declan turn and slam the door behind him.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tbh this is just a lot of angst. inspired by the text convo i had with my friend about how ronan never once mentioned noah in call down the hawk and we thought that should be fixed. sorry to the homie but he won't be this sad the whole time promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. The world is awful atm, and I want to use this fic as an opportunity to reach out to people I normally wouldn't be able to with just my insta/snap. I'm adding a link at the end of this note that will take you to a page with resources on how to help with the Black Live Matter movement: places to donate, people to contact, petitions you can sign, etc. PLEASE take the time to at least sign a few petitions- it takes about 30 seconds for each one. Every name and every penny counts- the change starts with us. Also, if you would like to donate but can't because of your financial situation, I will also link a few youtube videos that are donating ALL ad revenue to a variety of organizations/causes related to the BLM movement. There are TONS of these videos on youtube right now. You don't even need to watch the videos- just keep the tab open and play the video while doing other stuff, and make sure not to skip any of the adds/don't mute the video itself (turn the volume off on your computer instead). Thank you.  
> WAYS TO HELP: blacklivesmatters.carrd.co  
> STREAM TO DONATE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgLa25fDHM  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HTgJzZAYnE  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oObsw2pAq_w  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slbNdBuQzKw&list=TLPQMDQwNjIwMjDNaEpYB2FuOg&index=4

The next practice was interesting, to say the least. It wasn't a disaster by any means, but you could feel the leftover tension lingering from the previous night's incident. It seemed that the whole team was aware of the connection Ronan's brother had with the Ravens, and though nobody was saying anything out loud, it was clear that it made them uneasy. Ronan being Ronan ignored it. He ignored it all throughout running laps, while practicing passes, through practicing penalty shots, during the ten minutes Kevin was yelling at them because they were sorely behind on mastering the Ravens' drills despite the fact that they were not Ravens. It was while they were stretching, though, halfway through the long practice, that it became harder to ignore.

Ronan had claimed a spot of turf a distance away from the others, content to stretch on his own. Gansey, Blue, and Adam naturally came to join him, which he supposed was okay. "I don't think the others like me very much," Gansey admitted as he bent to touch his toes. Ronan saw Blue and Adam exchange a look- the two of them were, more than anyone, aware of how Gansey could come off to people who didn't know him. Even those who _did_ know him sometimes had to remind themselves that he was more than what he seemed. It wasn't hard to guess that the rest of the Foxes were seeing him as the rich pretty boy with an easy life. They were probably wondering how he'd gotten on a team that was exclusively for fuck-ups. 

"It's probably because they see you as a pretty rich boy," Ronan told him. 

Gansey frowned. "I _am_ rich," he said. 

"And a pretty boy," Adam added, not unkindly. Ronan smirked at his comment. 

Gansey reached to touch his toes on the other leg, a thoughtful look on his face. "I suppose I meant- that isn't all there is too me. I'm on this team just as much as anyone else."

"You aren't exactly the best at letting people see the better parts of you," Blue said. "We know what you've been through, and what you're like once you've opened up. But you put on a front for everyone else. You can't be mad if the front is all they see." Ronan thought that this was perfectly said. Before he'd died a second time, even within the group Gansey had been prone to acting a little too professional, not letting the true Gansey out until it was three in the morning, or it was only him and someone else, or he was dangling in a cave above a nest of wasps. Afterwards, he'd gotten better. Gansey seemed to have realized that they'd all seen him at his worst at that point, and there was no point in hiding himself around the people who knew him just as well as he did. But now, there were another nine people he needed to know, and letting _them_ in, especially when they hadn't been present for any of what they'd gone through in the last year- Ronan knew it probably wasn't going to be easy for him.

"Are you saying I need to tell them what I've been through to make them accept me?" Gansey looked supremely uncomfortable with that idea. Ronan understood. He couldn't imagine telling any of their new team members about how he'd found the bodies of both of his parents, or how his dreams sometimes came to life and tried to kill him, or how he himself had almost died when Gansey did, the sickening feeling of his body being unmade, like his skin and bones and muscles were a thousand writhing snakes all trying to pull away from each other. 

"You don't owe them that," Adam assured him. "You don't owe them anything of the sort."

"They didn't trust Ronan until he explained himself," Gansey reminded them.

"They still don't trust me," Ronan said back. "And I didn't tell them everything. I just told them the parts they needed to hear so that they wouldn't kick me off the team."

"Plus, he wouldn't have needed to say any of that if Declan hadn't shown up," Blue added. She adjusted herself so that she was sitting butterfly style and slid her hands away from her body. "You can't be Presidential Gansey with them," she explained, her voice soft, "These aren't people you need anything from, and they don't want anything from you. But when you talk to them like you're running for office, they're smart enough to see through it. They're going to _think_ you want something from them."

"So they really don't trust me, then," Gansey said, looking forlorn. Ronan thought that if the other Foxes looked over right now, with Gansey's expression set to sad and vulnerable, they might be inclined to trust him just a little bit more. 

"They're broken," Blue told him. "They need to see that you're broken too. From what I can guess, these people have been lied to enough for one lifetime. I don't think they'll accept anything less than the truth of you. You don't need to explain what you've been through, but talk to them like you talk to us."

Gansey looked conflicted. "I'm not sure that I know how to give them that," he admitted quietly. Ronan knew that it wasn't an easy thing for Gansey to show himself to people- his whole life was a series of 'smile for the camera' moments that didn't leave a lot of room for being the person he truly wanted to be. But here, he didn't need to impress anybody with his dialect, or his knowledge, he didn't need to worry about how his behavior might reflect his mother's campaign because the head of the school was a powerful man with a wide influence. It was Palmetto State, and he was here to play Exy, and nobody gave a shit who his mother was as long as he could get the ball in the net. 

Before Ronan could open his mouth to tell Gansey all of this, a small shadow fell over the group. He looked up to see Andrew standing over them, eyes cold and calculating. He looked at Ronan. "We're going to a club in Columbia this Friday. You're coming."

Ronan narrowed his eyes, just bordering on a sneer as he shot back, "Am I?"

Andrew just nodded. "Yes." Then he turned to Blue. "You're invited too."

Blue didn't respond to the invite, instead asking, "Who's _we_?" 

"Me, Aaron, Kevin, Nicky, Neil. We'll be staying the night." Then he spun on his heel and left.

Ronan and Blue looked at each other. "Well," said Blue.

"Fuck that noise," said Ronan. 

Nobody said anything after that, and the stretching continued. 

After stretching, Coach Wymack had them separate into two lines for some drill that was supposed to help them hone the skill of passing the ball to themselves. Ronan, being a backliner, didn't usually need to pass the ball to himself as his main job was to get the ball away from the goal and to the strikers. He had grumbled this to Adam, a striker, who had looked at him like he'd had two heads.

"I'm in pre-law, but that doesn't mean I don't take math," he said, and that was the end of that. 

They finished the drill, and then started another. This one was for the backliners and goalies- one pair of backliners at each goal as the rest of the team took turns trying to get past them to take a shot; the goalies tried to catch the balls if the strikers were able to shoot. Ronan and Matt were paired together and despite his slight discomfort toward Matt's friendly demeanor, he found that they worked quite well together as a team. Comparing them to what he could see of Aaron and Nicky on the other side of the court, they were giving their teammates far fewer opportunities to shoot. However, Ronan also noticed that of the shots that were taken, not a single one made it past Andrew. He'd known Andrew was a good player when he wanted to be- it's not like he'd joined the Foxes without doing any research- but it was an entirely different experience to witness it himself. The way Andrew looked like he was barely trying spoke volumes of his talent. It was almost mesmerizing. 

Ronan wanted to play like that. 

In a brief moment of distraction, Neil managed to dart past him and shoot on the goal. Ronan winced as he heard the ball whiz past Renee and hit the back of the net. 

"You okay?" Matt asked, peering at him carefully. Rolling his shoulders, Ronan just nodded and checked his racquet against the ground. He shouldn't be letting himself get distracted. He was already playing catch up with a team who'd been playing in college-league Exy for longer than he had, and he very much felt like he had something to prove. Not just to any other bastard, but to himself. He needed to know he was good enough. He'd spent so many years hating himself, hating everything and everything around him because of things he couldn't control. It was time to show the world just how fucking great he could be, and to take some of that control back. 

"Go Gansey!" came a familiar voice from the sidelines.

But he couldn't do that if he kept getting fucking _distracted_.

Andrew was approaching the stands near where everyone's bags sat, where Henry Cheng was seated on the dividing wall, legs swinging back and forth. "How did you get in here?" 

"The door," Henry told him, amicable smile putting his teeth on full display. "Funny things, doors. You open them, and you just walk right through."

"And apparently they work for just anyone," Andrew said coolly, but Ronan could hear the biting insult hidden just beneath. To his credit, Henry's winning smile stayed plastered on his face despite the rude greeting.

"That they do," he replied easily. "Feel free to continue practicing, don't stop on my account."

By now most of the team had meandered over, distracted from the drill by the newcomer. "What are you doing here?" Neil asked. It was asked half out of suspicion and half out of curiosity, and Ronan could tell he didn't mean any harm by asking. 

"We're his friends," Gansey spoke up, quick to the defense of the other boy. Ronan felt something dark and hot simmering in the depths of his stomach, and it wasn't a feeling he liked.

Mostly to himself, he muttered, "We aren't friends." 

It was quiet enough that he thought Henry wouldn't hear, but he must have, because this time his smile _did_ falter, his eyes shooting to Ronan as he blurted, "Okay, _what_ is your problem with me?"

Ronan prickled instantly- he hadn't expected that. Feeling Gansey's disapproving gaze on him yet again, he grumbled, "I don't have a problem with you."

Henry wasn't having it. "Clearly you do," he pushed. "What did I ever do to make you so upset?"

Ronan was growing more tense by the second. He didn't want to talk about what his problem was, not in front of everyone. He wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it at all, even just to Henry or Gansey or Blue or Adam. "I'm not talking to you about this," was what he settled on. He couldn't hold Henry's fiery gaze any longer, and he looked away toward the court. "We're in the middle of a practice." 

"That can wait. I'd quite like to hear this." Gansey's eyes were on Ronan, and he looked very much like an angry parent as he said, "Ronan?"

Ronan's mouth felt dry and his jaw heavy, but he was thankfully saved from having to respond by Wymack, who had somehow managed to approach the group without anyone noticing. "Actually, it can't wait. Sorry kid, but you've gotta go. Andrew's right, this is a closed practice." Henry's mouth fell downward, his cheeks flushing red in embarrassment. "We'll be done in about twenty minutes, if you want to wait."

"Right," Henry said, sounding very small. "Sorry to have been a bother."

Ronan watched as Henry awkwardly let himself down from the dividing wall, shuffling toward the door at a pace just below a jog. As soon as he was out of earshot, Gansey turned and looked at him. " _Ronan_ ," he seethed, and Ronan couldn't remember the last time Gansey had said his name with so much heat in it. He immediately felt guilty, but he was angry, too. Then he was angry because he was angry. He wanted to smash a bottle against the sidewalk, wanted to throw something as far as he could into the street from the second story window at Monmouth. He wanted to scream. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to cry.

"I'm fucking leaving," he growled. He stormed over to the benches and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

"Ronan!" Blue called, sounding shocked. Ronan didn't say anything back because he knew it wouldn't be nice, and he didn't want to regret it later. He just let his feet punch the ground and carry him across the field, out the door and through the locker room until he was outside, marching across the parking lot back to athlete housing. He was done with Exy for today.

* * * * *

Henry found him sitting on the roof of the athlete housing building an hour later, once his anger had mostly dissipated. He heard the door open, heard the footsteps that he knew didn't belong to either of the three people he'd be alright with seeing right then. His shoulders shot up to his ears, muscles tight. 

Neither of them said anything as Henry came to sit next to him near the edge of the roof, keeping a safe and respectable distance of a few feet. They both sat there for a moment, taking in the skyline, before Henry worked up the courage to ask, "Why do you hate me so much?"

Ronan didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't know how to explain how he felt, why he felt the way he felt, all the tiny intricacies of his own emotions that he didn't know how to express in a way that made sense to him, much less anybody else. He settled for grunting a simple, "Don't hate you."

Henry laughed bitterly. "Well you certainly don't seem to like me very much." Then there was a pause, like he was afraid to say what he was thinking. Hesitantly, he asked, "Is it because I'm Asian?"

Ronan scoffed. "Fuck, no." He was a little offended that Henry would even think to ask that. 

"Then what?" Henry urged, agitation straining his words. Ronan kept his lips pressed together in a thin, stubborn line, and Henry sighed loudly. "Can I make a guess?" When Ronan didn't respond, he took it as an invitation to continue. "It's because of Noah, isn't it?" 

Ronan couldn't help his reaction, couldn't stop himself from sucking in a harsh breath at the mention of Noah. He felt an angry prickle behind his eyes. Fuck Henry and his uncanny ability to be observant. He was so frequently playfully flippant and whimsical that Ronan forgot sometimes that he was also the son of Seondeok, and he was a part of this dangerous, serious world as well. He wasn't oblivious. He shouldn't have expected him to be.

Henry said, "I know I didn't know him very well-"

"No, you didn't," Ronan snapped, interrupting. There was a heavy lump in his throat, making every swallow uncomfortable. He wanted to run. He forced himself to stay where he was, knuckles white from gripping the edge of the roof.

Henry sighed heavily. "Let me finish," he said. Reluctantly, because there was nothing else to say, Ronan stayed quiet. Henry continued. "I didn't know him very well but I can gather how much he meant to you. From what I've heard and from what little I've seen, I know you two were close." _Close?_ Ronan found himself thinking. Other than Gansey, Noah had been his best friend. Henry took a deep breath. "But you need to stop treating me like I'm a replacement part that's failed to do the job. I'm not Noah. I never will be, because I'm Henry." Ronan still didn't respond, and after a few moments of silence, Henry spoke again, seemingly taking the quiet and him not understanding. "It's like you're all a toolbox," he explained. "Noah was a wrench, and when he left, instead of another wrench you bought a screwdriver instead. You can't expect a screwdriver to act like a wrench. It's not fair to the screwdriver."

Ronan glanced at Henry, just for a second, out of the corner of his eye. "You're the screwdriver."

"In this situation, yes."

Ronan tried to think of what to say to that. He knew Henry was right, that he was so close to hitting the nail on the head, but still so wrong. He was frustrated, because he still didn't know how to say it out loud. Didn't know if he _could_. They fell into silence again, and it was a strange mixture of tense and understanding, the sort of feeling when you're halfway through an argument and you can almost see agreement in sight. In a lame attempt to start the conversation again, Ronan said, "I'm just surprised you know what a screwdriver is." Henry laughed, and it was less bitter than before. Ronan bit the inside of his cheek, annoyed because he could feel the words he wanted to say hovering, hot like acid, in the back of his throat. They were stuck there. Henry seemed to know that he was in a debate with himself, and patiently said nothing as he waited for Ronan to speak again. Finally, Ronan muttered, "I wasn't expecting you to be Noah. You don't have to tell me that you'll never be him." Ronan's mind added, _That he's never coming back,_ , and the lump in his throat grew, the prickle behind his eyes coming back with renewed force. He blinked harshly, hoping Henry will think it's because of the chilly wind against his face.

Ronan couldn't look at Henry, not when he felt like this, but he could almost feel the relief coming from his at his words. "So then," Henry pressed, "what's your problem with me?"

Ronan blew out a breath, frustrated. He didn't know how to put it into words- he'd never been very good with them. If they had been in Cabeswater, or Lindenmere, or even his new forest, he would have been able to let the trees choose the words for him, would have been able to _show_ Henry exactly what he meant through the soft breeze and the swirling leaves and the cool grass between their toes. Instead, he forced himself to try again. " _I_ wasn't expecting you to replace Noah."

He watched Henry from the corner of his eye. It took a second, but he saw the moment realization struck. "You were never trying to replace Noah with me," he said, out loud, like he needed Ronan to confirm it, "you thought everyone else was." Finally. _Finally_ , it was out there. Ronan was felt terrified and vulnerable and relieved all at once. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, because it hurt too much to even think about, so he just nodded minutely and hoped that Henry had seen it in the dim light of the moon. "I'll admit I can see how that made you hate me. But it still isn't an excuse to treat me the way that you have."

For his part, Ronan did feel guilty. Past all the anger and hurt and loneliness, he really did. But he couldn't stop himself from being mad- at Henry, for being so understanding about his bitterness, at Gansey and Blue, who had so easily brought him into their little family like they'd never even lost a friend, a _brother_ , at Noah, for slipping out of time so slowly and quietly that Ronan was still half-waiting for him to come back, even one last time, so that maybe he could at least tell him goodbye.

Because he knew he had to, because he knew Gansey would never forgive him if he didn't, Ronan croaked, "I'm sorry." His voice was wet and strangled and he had never felt more naked in his life. He had also never felt so free. The world he was holding up on his shoulders grew lighter, and he felt like he could breathe for the first time in months. 

"Thank you," Henry said, sounding shocked. Ronan figured he was right to. This was not typical Ronan Lynch behavior. This was not even rare, once-in-a-blue-moon Ronan Lynch behavior. This was a for-the-first-time-in-history, exclusive Ronan Lynch moment. Never seen before, never to bee seen again. Fleeting and out of character, but still somehow just as real as the rest of him. 

He felt _old_. 

"For what it's worth," Henry said, "I don't think the others see me like that either. But maybe you should talk to them." 

Ronan said nothing. He hoped Henry knew that for once, it wasn't because he was being rude. 

Henry pushed himself away from the edge of the roof. "Goodnight, Ronan," he said, and it was so kind that Ronan would've been angry if he wasn't already so exhausted. He just let his shoulders slump as he listened to Henry walk away, as he heard the door close, and he was left alone with his thoughts. 

He stood there on the roof until the cold of the night had him shivering and he had to crane his neck to look up at the moon. 

* * * * *

When Ronan got back to his room, there was someone sitting on the floor, back against his door and head turned to the side. His heart jumped in his chest at the sight- it was easily one in the morning, and Adam was dozing against the door with his hair mussed and a soft look about him. Clearly, he'd been waiting up for him.

Ronan gently nudged his thigh with the toe of his cleat. "Parrish."

Adam's eyes fluttered, and he gave a little snort as he woke and turned to look at him. Eyes still cloudy with sleep, he said nothing as he pulled himself up using the door handle. He swayed a little on his feet and Ronan wanted so badly to reach out and steady him, but he couldn't tell if Adam was upset about what he'd said to Henry earlier or not. His boyfriend must have noticed the look on his face, because damn it if he couldn't read him like a book even half-asleep, and said, "Let me inside?" His Henrietta accent slowed the vowels and Ronan thought his heart might burst. Instead, he nodded silently and pulled out his keycard to unlock the door.

As Ronan dropped his bag on the floor near his desk, Adam went ahead and sat down on the edge of his mattress, toeing his shoes off. He scooted back against the pillows and looked over to Ronan. He watched him, standing in the middle of the room like he wasn't sure where to go. Like he was waiting. 

Slowly, so that he could stop him if he wanted, Ronan slipped off his own shoes and climbed onto his bed. He sat next to Adam, arms pressed together. He heard Adam sigh, and suddenly his boyfriend was laying down, head against the pillows, tugging at his sleeve so he would follow and laying Ronan's head on his shoulder. Ronan's arm stretched across his stomach. 

Because Adam hadn't said anything yet, Ronan asked, "Did Henry tell you?"

He could feel the subtle vibrations against his cheek when Adam responded. "No, Blue did."

Ronan felt himself tense up. If Blue knew, that meant Henry had told her, which meant he'd also told Gansey. "So everyone knows," he grumbled. He felt exposed, skin hot with shame. His legs wanted to get up and run. "This is why I didn't want to fucking talk about it."

As if sensing his urge to get up, Adam tightened his arms around him, fierce and loving and protective. "I'm glad he told us," he admitted. He relaxed his arms and then asked, softly, "Why didn't you say something?" Ronan wasn't oblivious to the slight twinge of hurt in Adam's voice, and immediately he was slammed with a new wave of guilt. He thought about what Adam must be thinking; how his boyfriend had assumed he was replacing a dead friend with a living one, how he had kept this from him, hadn't trusted him enough to open up about it. 

Ronan swallowed. "I was-" he stopped. He didn't know what he was. Afraid? Angry? Sad? Maybe, but none of those words sounded right for what he was trying to say right then. He tried again. "Nobody seemed to want to talk about it."

He couldn't see Adam's face, but in his voice he could just _hear_ the raised eyebrow. "You didn't either."

"You know me, Parrish," Ronan grumbled into his chest. "When have I ever talked about the shit that's bothering me?"

"Ronan," Adam said slowly, "it's not my job to ask." Ronan knew Adam was right, but somehow it still stung. That all this time he was so angry and hurt and sad and confused, and all he'd had to do was open his mouth and let it out. He knew that if Adam had asked, he would've denied it. He knew that Adam had probably been waiting for him to say something. Hell, even if he had said something, it probably wouldn't have done much. Ronan, ever afraid of being too vulnerable, dealt out truths like they were riddles- he gave the clue and hoped that whoever was listening was smart enough to figure it out. He knew that he was his own worst enemy. 

He knew he needed to get better, and he knew that it started here, in his bedroom, with just him and Adam and their arms around each other. "If I talk about it..." Ronan cut himself off. "Him," he corrected, and then hesitated. _If I talk about him, I'll cry. I'm afraid I won't stop._

"Say it," Adam urged him. It was not unkind, and Ronan understood why he said it. They both wanted Ronan to open up, to say what he needed, but only one of them thought it was possible. 

Ronan tried to believe in himself the way that Adam did. He croaked, "I want him to come back. I- he-" There was a noise, deep and guttural, that forced its way out from the back of his throat, and suddenly Ronan was crying. He was crying in a way that he hadn't since Gansey died, his eyes screwed shut and sucking in heavy breaths between each shake of his shoulders. Adam pulled him closer, almost half on top of him, and held him tight. Ronan clung to him just as fiercely. 

Adam pressed his mouth to the crown of his head, and he could feel his boyfriend's own tears falling into his hair. "I know," Adam assured him, voice thick with emotion. He squeezed him tight. Ronan wished that he would never let go. "I know."


End file.
